There is an epidemic of something that feels like it is just at the tip of my tongue. A pattern I’ve noticed emerging across our society at large. In a metaphorical sense. In a psychological sense. Perhaps, even, in a metaphysical sense, too.
We humans are deeply social creatures. Like I often tell my clients, we are much like dogs in a way: humans are pack animals. We function best in connection with others. Of course, the degree to which we require social interaction varies from person to person. But the need for connection remains. Universally.
And yet. We live in a world that is increasingly more isolated while simultaneously more interconnected than ever before.
For the first time in recorded history, enormous portions of the population live alone or farther away from extended family systems and lifelong community structures. According to Pew Research Center, as of 2023, in the United States alone, roughly 42% of adults are currently unpartnered. Meanwhile, rates of loneliness continue to rise across multiple age groups and demographics.
At the same time, we now possess something no previous civilization has ever had access to: near-constant digital exposure to the inner worlds … or at least the highlight reels … of other human beings.
TikTok. Instagram. YouTube. Facebook. X. Snapchat. Never have we ever had this much access to one another’s lives “behind” closed doors.
Many folx spend hours each week posting fragments of themselves online. And this is all still so astonishingly new!
According to 2024 Pew Research Center data, the overwhelming majority of American adults now use social media in at least some form. Globally, internet users spend an average of more than two hours per day on social platforms alone. And among younger generations, this number is often much higher.
How many of us instinctively reach for our phones without even consciously deciding to?
At one point in history, not all that long ago, speaking to someone across the globe required expensive long-distance calling fees. Or written letters that took weeks to arrive. Or travel that was inaccessible to most. Now, within a matter of seconds, we can contact almost anyone from nearly anywhere in the whole entire world.
And yet … many more people nowadays report feeling disconnected. We are tribal creatures living in an age of fragment.
Part of our nervous systems … ancient, biological, deeply embedded … still craves what we humans evolved within for thousands upon thousands of years: proximity. Community. Familiar faces. Shared ritual. The ability to walk a short distance and encounter people we know and we love, and who know and love us.
Our nervous systems were not built for near-endless scrolling, unending comparison, algorithmic outrage, and emotional exposure to the suffering of millions of strangers before we even get up to leave our bed for the day.
And somewhere within all of this, I believe something has quietly developed … something I want to name here for perhaps the first time: Toxic pessimism.
By “toxic pessimism,” I mean a collective psychological posture that frames the world, humanity, and the future itself as inherently doomed … and fundamentally beyond repair.
A belief that says: Nothing will get better. No one is trustworthy. Everything is corrupt. Human beings are awful. Love is elusive. Hope is naïve. The future is hopeless. And we are all fucked, here, anyway.
To be very clear: this is not the same thing as awareness.
This is not the same thing as being informed, politically conscious, emotionally intelligent, realistic, balanced, and socially engaged. This is something different.
This is hopelessness that becomes identity. Despair becoming personality. And cynicism veiled as wisdom. And the algorithm most often rewards it!
Social media platforms are driven by engagement. And outrage, fear, panic, doom-scrolling, and emotional reactivity seem to generate a lot of attention. Studies increasingly suggest that emotionally charged content … especially content that evokes anger or evokes fear … can spread rapidly online.
So now, too many of us navigate among and within endless loops of rage bait, comparison, pessimism, mutual judgment, catastrophic headlines, and highly curated portrayals of “perfect” lives that are often filtered, edited, airbrushed, professionally lit, strategically marketed, and run through entire production teams before ever reaching us.
The result?
Too many people feeling emotionally exhausted before they even begin their day!
Defeated. Disenfranchised. Psychologically frozen. Spiritually heavy. Or even powerless. Or even hopeless.
And tell me … HOW are we supposed to feel motivated to change ANYTHING if we genuinely and truly believe everything is lost?
How can we build meaningful relationships if we believe everyone will eventually just betray us? Why would we create magic if we believe humanity itself is rotten? Where, then, is the joy? The meaning? The purpose? What are we even moving toward?!
I believe toxic pessimism is, in many ways, perhaps most, an unconscious attempt toward connection in an era of profound disconnection. Shared hopelessness can temporarily help people feel bonded!
But staying suspended there for too long can become devastating. Because eventually, then, toxic pessimism does not merely describe your reality. It begins to SHAPE the reality you experience.
Carl Jung famously wrote: “The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate.” In other words: what remains unconscious within us begins to organize the way we experience.
The field of psychology demonstrates that our beliefs, our expectations, our attentional biases, and our cognitive frameworks profoundly influence our perception, relationships, emotional regulation, and behavior. If someone moves through life believing that people are inherently unsafe and harm us, they often become more guarded, hypervigilant, withdrawn, suspicious, or defensive … which can unintentionally impact the very relationships they want and they crave!
We see what we continuously rehearse ourselves into seeing. Consciously and not. This does not mean, of course, that suffering itself is fake. Or that injustice is illusory. Or pain is an illusion. Or that we should aim to spiritually bypass reality.
It means that where we repeatedly place our attention matters! Immensely.
Our brains are carved by repetition. This is one of the core principles behind neuroplasticity … the brain’s ability to reorganize and form new neural pathways. The thoughts we repeatedly think, the emotional states we repeatedly inhabit, and the narratives we repeatedly reinforce strengthen the very patterns within our brain.
Negativity itself can become habitual.
But so can hope.
And hope is not mirage. Hope is often discipline. Endurance.
Our power lies not in controlling … but in choosing where — and how — we direct our consciousness.
Not through denial. Not through toxic positivity. Not through pretending suffering does not exist. Not by escape.
Through discernment. Through intention. Through remembering that human beings possess an extraordinary ability to create ripple effects! Tell me, what do you want yours to be?
Think about how many of us deliberate through and then choose what we wear for the day. We may stand in front of our closet weighing one shirt over the other. And yet how often are we equally as mindful and selective of our own inner dialogue? Our inner narrative. The voice within us that shapes how we interpret existence itself.
If we continuously tell ourselves: Everything is terrible. Everyone is selfish. Nothing matters. The world is doomed. Then eventually, reality begins echoing that narrative back to us wherever we look. Life starts feeling emotionally airless. And meaning, then, collapses.
But what if we chose differently?! Not blindly. Not ignorantly. But CONSCIOUSLY.
What if we CHOSE to believe that most people are trying their best? What if we chose to believe that love still exists? What if we chose to believe that healing, reconnection, beauty, creativity, tenderness, friendship, awe, and transformation are STILL possible? How might that alter the very way we move through the world? How might that alter the very way that the world moves back toward us?
Current neuroscience suggests that human perception itself is extraordinarily limited. Our brains are constantly filtering reality and selecting what to prioritize, interpret, and notice. At any given moment, we are missing the overwhelming majority of sensory information available. Meaning: what we focus on MATTERS.
If I walk to the park up the street from my apartment, I might experience two possible realities.
In one version: The sky is too gray. The people are too loud. The potholes are irritating. The park is damaged. Nobody talks to each other anymore. Everyone is isolated. The world feels empty. Life feels heavy.
In another: The wind fills my lungs. Birds are singing. The trees are moving in rhythm with the breeze. People are laughing. Someone smiles to me as they walk by. The sky looks like art. The air smells like fresh mowed grass. Life is happening. And I am a part of it.
Both realities contain truth. But they are not the same lived experience. And I believe this is, in part, where perhaps one of our deepest powers survive.
In attention. In perception. In consciousness itself.
And a beautiful thing is: human beings are not fixed! The brain is malleable. Patterns can shift. Thought loops can soften. And change. We can heal from trauma. Worldviews can evolve. And
people can reconnect with meaning after years of detachment or dissociation. We are SO MUCH MORE adaptive than we often remember!
So, perhaps this is the invitation. Not to deny the shadows. Or fear. But to stop deifying it! Not to ignore suffering. But to refuse to allow hopelessness permanence.
Despite grief. Heartbreak. Division. Violence. Algorithms, loneliness, fear, disappointment, uncertainty, and pain … there is STILL beauty here! There is still laughter. Art. Music. Gentleness. Connection. LOVE. Purpose. There are STILL human beings helping one another out within every single moment. Within every single day.
Our free will is how we get to CHOOSE where we look. How we get to choose WHAT we reinforce. And how we get to choose WHICH narratives we water and which ones we grow.
And maybe, just maybe … there is something unfolding here that is far larger than any one of us can currently comprehend.
And perhaps, meaning is not absent. Perhaps, we are still becoming. Perhaps … awe itself and love itself is, … at least in part, … part of the point.
Resources / Bibliography
- Pew Research Center — Americans’ Social Media Use
- Pew Research Center — Share of U.S. Adults Living Without a Romantic Partner
- Statista — Average Daily Time Spent on Social Media Worldwide
- Carl Jung, Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self
Dr. Sasha Faust, PsyD
Dr. Sasha Faust is a licensed clinical psychologist, psychic medium, founder and owner of “Enchanted Mind,” and author of “Waking Up.” Known for blending psychology and mysticism, Sasha supports others in transmuting grief, awakening to their truth, reclaiming their voice, and remembering the truth of who they are. Through storytelling, intuitive presence, and sacred energy work, Sasha guides seekers toward deeper healing, the awakening of their gifts, spiritual transformation, and soul-aligned living. Sasha resides in San Diego, CA and is currently accepting clients both in-person and remote.
