Heart Over Hype: Living Authentically from the Inside Out

The word authenticity has been popping up more often lately…

As veils of familiar systems drop to reveal toxic modes of control, living true to your values, beliefs, and inner knowing delivers a higher level of merit than sticking with the status quo. 

Pressure to follow fleeting fads, slap a heart on the hollowness of social media messaging for approval, or prioritize image over substance is beginning to emit a death rattle, if not fall flat. This is the time to finally listen to that still, small voice within to find your balance and follow your true heart’s desire. Know that inner platform as your stability and grace.

Perhaps unknowingly, you have been dutifully trained using a standardized mindset and manipulated lexicon to adhere to malevolent guidelines. What to think and feel vs. how you think and feel is disguised well within global culture. You are bombarded with social mores, icons, not-so-subtle advertising, political double-speak, and blaring media, traditional or alternative, to move you closer to a suggested narrative solely fitting the benefit of a circumspect elite. 

Tuning out societal noise to connect with your voice, passions, and purpose is your natural strength, yet this is not a suggested mantra.  In fact, if you turn back the pages carefully to your early childhood, I’m sure you could easily pinpoint three immediate examples where the concept of your strength and sovereignty was covertly trained away from you.

I remember glaring at the parish priest giving a Sunday sermon as a young third grader. In his lecturing, he suggested I needed a broker to speak to God. At that moment, our eyes locked, making heated contact, he paused, his face flush with anger, sweat rolling down his forehead. That was the most ridiculous concept I could imagine. Immediately, I felt rebellion stirring within me like a fierce incendiary poker. Didn’t he know you could be in touch with God anytime you liked, directly and without interference? I knew deep into my little eight-year-old heart that he was spewing complete rubbish, and what he was pontificating was completely untrue. 

But where did this unstoppable inner knowing go as I began to climb the ladder of life?

The imminent goal of achieving an elusive status quo to become more like my friends slowly became cemented in its place, along with a false sense of soothing and safety. I was trained to achieve, to be pleasant to the Joneses while plotting to get ahead of them in my own quiet time, and to land feet first regardless of authentic circumstances.

With all the programming to surge to the top of a heap, I was contrarily also trained to surrender to powers in charge regardless of true integrity or how I felt, to take a laissez-faire attitude, look the other way and hold onto societal norms with both fists in exchange for an adage filled with empty and bleeding promises.  

What I’ve come to understand and embrace is that going within to find your authentic voice, connecting with and honoring your heartfelt emotions, and your voice of intuition, you may have powerfully negated, is the key to balance, sovereignty, and at this moment in time, perhaps, your survival.

When you find a moment to reflect and settle into mindfulness or are ripped wide open by an excruciating life experience, it is often the point when you are guided to engage with what honestly matters to you, vs. your friends, your family, or your societal structures. That place of discernment seems of little value, a nuisance, or something to stave off at all costs. The not-so-subliminal messaging of holding a course, head down, feelings in, and trusting it will all work out regardless of how eviscerated your soul becomes is more the average normal hum. 

It took many years of life experience on repeat and sitting on a meditation cushion to slow down enough to value true quietude and decipher my desires. Learning to embrace and recognize challenges as opportunities for soul evolution is finally becoming my reality.  

Working as a television producer at a start-up national news network (Fox News Channel), I got a call to head to LA to run the talent division of a burgeoning syndicated talk show. It seemed like an exciting and stellar career move, and it was. Convincing A-list talent to come to a remote and tiny TV studio was an exhilarating gig. Being amongst the cultural landmarks like the Hollywood sign, Rodeo Drive, and Malibu mansions was mesmerizing. I didn’t realize that I was moving to LA for one of my greatest lessons in alchemy and transformation – to meet one of my greatest gurus, as in teacher, the man who would become my ex-husband. 

Though together for 15 years, the toll of our coupleship was screeching by the time I surrendered. Divorce was blistering, and the circumstances surrounding it were vile. That year of undeniable terror, navigating the conditions and being forced to face my biggest fears, taught me to discontinue the drive and addiction to seek my worth from the outside in.  

I had been trapped like a rat on the proverbial wheel, eroding my esteem by serving to receive and therefore repel the deep-seated abandonment in my solar plexus. It was only by standing up honestly to the blows divorce brings, acknowledging my role regardless of seeming injustices, and not resting too long in victimhood, that I would finally learn to respect all I am. I would lay down the gauntlet of what I thought would bring me safety, and begin to discover actual happiness, sovereignty, and true freedom.

There was authentic value inside my heart, with the light of my life force resting. It took this heinous, perfect storm of a divorce experience to finally fall on my knees and surrender to my inner compass, values, and knowing. That same force that had somehow slipped away early in childhood. Though it had taken decades to embrace, accepting this lesson opened a new world I did not know existed.

I was living in a new zip code. I began to take the time to explore what mattered to me. Simple things, did I want spaghetti or Chinese food for dinner? Did I want to attend the reunion next month, or would I prefer to stay home with an agenda that would feed me?

Pausing to reflect on what feels good may be natural to some but not to one who’d come from trauma, self-doubt, and slim to no self-esteem. I learned so well to intuit what others needed or wanted from me; their needs came first. And that fell in line with every cultural system I knew.

It was another huge power grab robbing authenticity, strength, and sovereignty. I was a perfectly enslaved cog in the wheel of the doctrines outlined by the toxic systems of family, religion, schooling, corporations, healthcare, finance, and more.  It was entrained so deeply that I hardly noticed. I was grateful to have awakened to another set of outdated belief systems to release.

Then comes the snarly issue of letting go of perfection to embrace vulnerability and imperfections as part of an authentic life. Gathering self-worth and gaining self-compassion interweaves with the ability to become less judgmental of yourself and those you are surrounded by. It certainly wasn’t what I knew. I felt I’d melt into a puddle or, worse, be stoned if I stepped on a crack and proved imperfect. But I let it rip, gave way, and found a new realm. 

When I began to open to more compassion for myself, I let go of towering judgment and a need to appear as though I had it all figured out. I could also store away that steamrolling monster that needed to execute tasks immediately, regardless of my frame of mind or physical ability.   

Newly found compassion and empathy exude a freer sense of being and offer a doorway to escape that weighted word – judgment. Once you become familiar with this new feeling and space, it is easier to live from the inside out with understanding for others still trapped in the maze of reaching the pinnacle of real or imagined demands to fit in and make a mark, or at least be worthy of air to breathe.

I remember a profound lesson Marianne Williamson passed along one evening at a Course in Miracles lecture she was delivering in a small church on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She had taken an early flight from LA that day to quickly grab a cab and head into the city for her appearance. Her cab driver was beyond grumpy, short in temper and patience, making unnecessary turns and slowing her arrival. Rather than hold offense at the end of the trip, Marianne tipped him double. She explained that angry and temperamental people are screaming for love. 

That hit me deeply and shifted how I perceive other human beings. It also delivered authentic power. Going inside my heart first, to open to what the other side is experiencing, has helped me live happier, more fulfilled, and engaged. This doesn’t mean I surrender to their needs, but it does mean I have a large capacity for compassion. Understanding a longing for recognition and delivering the recognition is miraculous and magical. 

Authenticity fosters deeper, more genuine connections. Yet first, trust has to be solidly in place within yourself. When you seek approval and worth from the outside in, you always come up short and put yourself in a precarious position. Not trusting you and looking outside for validation are red flags for those who take advantage and siphon off the light of others to live. You are a flaming target for use and abuse, which often plays out. Coming to know who you are authentically, deciphering your preferences, and valuing them is key to living in balance with truth and authentic power. 

Comparing yourself gently falls to the curb. You begin to focus on your journey rather than measuring yourself against the highlight reels and accomplishments of others. You see the value of their experience as well as the credibility of your own, and begin to make empowering decisions. 

Even when it’s countercultural, aligning your daily actions with your core principles and living your values brings harmony and new opportunities. Your life begins to expand, and challenges no longer seem as daunting. Little miracles happen, and you notice. Becoming more alive in the moment,  the hour, and the day is your norm. Small things you may not have recognized before, including how the plants communicate, birds sing, and the pureness of the shining sun, create a vitality and natural hope throughout your being.

The freedom of being unapologetically you, shedding the weight of pretense for a lighter, truer existence, pulls you out of the standard matrix of hype right into your heart. You begin to live from your heart, authentically leading your decision-making process. You are clear and less compelled to follow along with the captured hordes in a semi-asleep mode. You’re empowered to take the time to sense what you want and the choice or path you wish to create. You’re awake, and the release into freedom and the treasure of the bounty that comes from this natural state is endless. So are the opportunities.

So, how do you start to drop the old programming and get into your heart?  Here are some practical steps for a start:

• Slow down.  The cacophony of life speeding by is tempered when you can stop or at least take a cognitive breath and pause long enough to notice your sensory system is on overdrive. Whatever you are engaged in, stop. Note your surroundings, bring yourself back into the present. Notice your arms and legs. Notice your breath. Lift your head from the floor to look up.  Realize there is a world to experience rather than continue on the hellacious ride you’ve created in your mind and racing through your precious body, nervous system on overdrive. Drop your inner terrorist and get ready to find freedom.
• Change your mantra. You may notice you have not-so-subtle negative thoughts on a loop. Catch one, note it, and watch it slip away.  See how you may shift it into something more soothing and positive to guide your next moment. Reassure yourself that all is well in the present moment. That is all you have, the present moment. Repeat your positive affirmation when you catch yourself falling back into the racing negative projections that will come, and applaud yourself when you do!
• Find what lights you up! For me, it’s pulling out my hula hoop and using it, looking up at the clouds to discover what looks like pirate ships, birds, faces, or angels, and watching beautiful human moments of families being reunited, children experiencing joy, or puppies playing together. Knowing what lifts your energy, shifts your vibration, and expands your frequency. It’s a natural path directly into the purity of your heart. Then think of spreading that sensation to all other sentient beings because we are all experiencing this world together.
• Write. Getting out a piece of paper and letting words come off the pen can also be helpful to shake off emotional entanglement.  Try to allow your expression to be free, minus the judgment of spelling, form, content, or meaning. Sometimes messages from your soul and heart begin to radiate from the page and bring you to a new place of compassion for yourself and those around you.
• Set Boundaries. Go ahead, say you will pass this time when you don’t want to say yes. Feel into what you need and speak your truth. No is a complete sentence, and no, thank you is a polite one.

By practicing a few of the suggestions above, you will begin to recognize your own being. A sense of your authentic self will begin to rise. Your anger button will begin to be less necessary to press. You will come to feel a newfound safety that radiates from the inside out as opposed to something to attain by outside means. Your choices are clear, and the steps to manifest them into reality fall into place.

This is a quieter way of living, authentic from the inside out. By taking a curve off the standard road traveled, you will see how your experience will benefit others and set off a ripple effect for them to practice the same. This is the richness of finally living authentically from your heart.  The hype and pretending – well, that’s not even attractive anymore.